


till the end

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Not A Fix-It, References to Depression, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 03:54:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20753912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: you never know for sure who your soulmate is until they die.their last thought appears on you when they die---Steve believes Peggy is his soulmate, and uses his last pym particle to travel back to her, leaving Bucky behind.





	till the end

**Author's Note:**

> tw // description of suicide included
> 
> NOT A FIX-IT

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” 

“How can I, you’re taking all the stupid with you.” Bucky replies to Steve, all humor void from his voice. His wet eyes were filed with sorrow. Steve pulled him in for a final hug, patting his back.

He pulled away turned his back on Bucky, stepping onto the platform.

“Going back in three...two...” Bruce began counting down, hand on the control lever.

Bucky shuts his eyes. Steve was leaving him. He had only enough pym particles to return all the infinity stones and travel back to the original timeline.

“one.”

Steve wasn’t coming back.

——

(the night before)

_“Hey, Buck.”_

_“Steve.”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“I should be asking you that. You sure you don’t need any help?”_

_“I can get by on my own, Bucky.”_

_“Thing is, you don’t have to. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.” Bucky hated that his voice broke at the end. Tears rolled down his cheeks, leaving a burning trail on his face._

_“You’re not coming back, are you, Steve.” Bucky stated._

_There was a beat of silence. Steve stared at him for what seemed like an agonizing, endless amount of time._

_Steve shook his head slowly. “No, I don’t think I will.” _

_“Okay,” Bucky whispered, shutting his eyes to prevent the cascade of tears threatening to fall._

_He opened his eyes again when he felt a hand on his shoulder. _

_“I’m sorry, Buck.”_

_“I know you are. But what if you’re wrong? What if Peggy isn’t your soul mate? Are you really willing to risk it all for her?” Bucky asked selfishly, desperately. He and Steve has been best friends for countless years now. It was fate that kept them both alive after a hundred years and kept them together. _

_They were soulmates. They had to be. But Steve only loved Peggy. His first love. His first kiss._

_Steve hesitated. _

_“Yes.” Steve said firmly. “She’s the one. And even if she isn’t, I’ll be happy with her.”_

_So that was that.  
Steve was leaving him for good. _

_“Okay.” Bucky repeated. “Okay.”___

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _(1945)_ _

_ _

_ _“Steve?”_ _

_ _When Steve went under, Peggy say by the radio, waiting. Sobbing. _ _

_ _Steve had died. The stupid, self-sacrificing idiot had himself crashed into the ocean._ _

_ _Peggy waited. And waited. And waited. Still, no burning sensation, or any indication that a message had appeared on her skin._ _

_ _She looked at her arms, her legs, searching for any last message that Steve had left. None appeared. None ever appeared._ _

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _

_ _“one.”_ _

_ _Steve disappeared in a flash. The platform was cold and empty, as if he’d never been there at all._ _

_ _“And returning in five...four...three...two...one.”_ _

_ _Nothing._ _

_ _“Where is he? Bruce! Where’s Steve? What happened?” Sam asked frantically, running over to the controls._ _

_ _Bucky was expressionless._ _

_ _He knew Steve was going to stay back in time, but damn did it hurt._ _

_ _Steve had left him. He’d gone back to her. He was gone. Forever._ _

_ _Bucky sank to his knees, hands grasping at the dirt on the ground._ _

_ _Sam and Bruce didn’t notice him; They were too busy trying to fix what they thought was an error, a fault._ _

_ _But Bucky knew. There was no fault in the machinery, only in him._ _

__ _He shouldn’t have pressured Steve._  
He should have told Steve how he felt.  
He should have- 

_ _“God DAMMIT!” Bucky yelled, punching the dirt._ _

_ _Sam and Bruce turned to him. _ _

_ _“You okay, Bucky? We’re trying to get him back. There might be an error in-“_ _

_ _“There’s no error.” Bucky interrupted. “He stayed.”_ _

_ _“Stayed?”_ _

_ _“In the past. 1940s.” Bucky clarified._ _

_ _“In the WHAT?” Sam asked in confusion, not fully processing what he was hearing._ _

_ _“In the past,” Bucky repeated. “H-he left m-“_ _

_ _He interrupted himself. “He left us. For her.”_ _

_ _“Her? Who?” Sam questioned, prodding Bucky for more information. When Bucky didn’t respond, Sam knelt down next to Bucky._ _

_ _“Buck, what’s going on? I’m really worried. What happened?”_ _

_ _“I-“ Bucky began._ _

_ _“I love him.”_ _

_ _“And he left me.”_ _

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _

_ _Steve returned each Infinity Stone, jumping into different timelines and bringing them back. Returning the Soul and Reality stones were... interesting. _ _

_ _He really hadn’t expected the Red Skull to be the “guardian” of Vormir. That concept was still mind-boggling to him._ _

_ _All through his adventures, he would turn as if to tell Bucky something he noticed, but would just realize Bucky wasn’t there and lamely stop mid-sentence._ _

_ _These instances left him with a strange nagging in the back of his head, one he couldn’t decipher._ _

_ _It only took him a month to return all the stones. That in itself was surprising to Steve himself. He’d expected it to take longer, but he was glad that the task was done._ _

_ _Now he could go back. Not back to 2023, but back. To the 1940s. To Peggy._ _

_ _Steve locked in his last Pym particle and set the date on his Quantum Tracker device. _ _

_ _

_ _March, 1945._ _

_ _

_ _It was after he had crashed the plane, so the world was safe. He could return._ _

_ _Steve clenched his hand into a fist with his thumb sticking straight up. His helmet closed around his head._ _

_ _He loved Peggy. He desperately wanted to see her._ _

_ _So why was he hesitating?_ _

_ _His thumb hesitated over the button. He had that nagging feeling in the back of his head again. Something was off. Wrong._ _

_ _But what could be wrong? He was going back in time to the love of his life. _ _

_ _Peggy. _ _

_ _With that thought, Steve shut his eyes and pressed the button. _ _

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _

_ _Bucky sat on his bed. He’d been offered a room in the Avengers Tower. Tony wasn’t there anymore to turn him away. _ _

_ _He still felt weird trespassing on what used to be Tony’s, as the man had despised him for killing his parents, under the influence of Hydra or not._ _

_ _After he confessed his love for Steve, Sam didn’t say anything. He simply gave Bucky a firm hug and led him indoors._ _

_ _Bucky stared at his hands. It had only been a few hours and he missed Steve._ _

_ _He should’ve went with Steve.  
But Steve had chosen Peggy over him, and Bucky had to accept that. _ _

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _

_ _Steve knocked on the door to Peggy’s house._ _

_ _The door didn’t open. _ _

_ _He waited. _ _

_ _And waited._ _

_ _Finally, the door creaked open and-_ _

_ _Peggy. _ _

_ _Standing before him. She looked like she’d been crying. A lot. Her eyes were red and puffy; Steve had never seen her like this._ _

_ _

_ _She gasped loudly when she saw who was at the door._ _

_ _“Steve?”_ _

_ _“Pegs.”_ _

_ _“It-It can’t be.” Peggy shook her head and blinked multiple times, not believing her eyes._ _

_ _“I’m here, Peggy. I’m alive.”_ _

_ _Peggy pulled him in and threw her arms around Steve’s neck. _ _

_ _“How...?” She asked in a whisper._ _

_ _“Well. You see...” Steve began. “It’s a long story.”_ _

_ _“I’ve got all the time in the world for you,” Peggy said._ _

_ _“Well, we might want to sit down.”_ _

_ _“Okay.”_ _

_ _Steve launched into the most insane and wondrous story Peggy had ever heard._ _

_ _She sat, enraptured, for hours._ _

_ _“Steve... I don’t know what to say.”_ _

_ _Steve sat and stared at her, hoping she still thought of him the same. He wasn’t the same person she knew. _ _

_ _“I-I still love you, Steve. Nothing would change that.”_ _

_ _Steve let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. Relief swept over him, but the nagging never left him. _ _

_ _

_ _——_ _

_ _

_ _ _I wasn’t enough for him. I’m not enough for anyone. Even myself.___ _ _

_ _ _ _Bucky was seated on a chair in his room, wrapped up in his thoughts. He hadn’t left his room in almost a week now. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He didn’t let anyone in, except to let Sam bring him some food. _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _He never touched it._ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _I miss him. I need him. _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _I can’t do this.___ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Bucky was... lost. Without purpose, without reason to live. He had been Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend in the 1900s. He had been the Winter Soldier during the 70 years Steve was frozen in ice. He had been an Avenger during the final war. _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _And now..._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Now he was nothing._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _He had no reason left to live. Nothing to fight for._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _Just a waste of space._ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _No one wants you._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _Even Steve didn’t want you.___ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bucky found himself in the bathroom, opening bottles of medication._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Bucky?” He heard Sam call through the door. “I’ve got dinner for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He locked the door of the bathroom. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Tons of pills spilled onto his hands, some dropping to the floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bucky shut his eyes, threw back his head, dumped them in, and swallowed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Nothing happened. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Bucky?” Sam banged one the door. “You in here?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Spots began to grow Bucky’s vision. His eyes rolled back into his head and his tongue swelled in his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _His head felt heavy, so heavy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He stumbled, clutching the sink counter._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bucky panicked. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to die, not like this. He-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bucky slipped and fell, his head making a sickening crunch as it collided with the edge of the bathtub._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Bucky!” He heard... Steve? calling. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“S-“ Steve, he tried to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Till the end of the line._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He felt himself slip away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Then there was nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _——_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve was standing across from Peggy, dressed in white._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Steven Grant Rogers.” The Pastor said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Do you take Margaret ‘Peggy’ Carter to be your wife and to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and health, to love and to cherish, through life and till death.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I do.” Steve was grinning ear to ear. It was the best day of his life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _An itch began on Steve’s chest. He ignored it, not willing to let go of Peggy’s hands to scratch at it. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It became increasingly worse and even began to burn._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“I now pronounce Steven Grant Rogers and Margaret “Peggy” Carter, husband and wife.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“You may kiss the bride.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve leaned forward, hands coming up to cup Peggy’s face. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _A shock of pain ripped through him from his chest. His hands jerked from Peggy’s face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _She looked up at him, concerned. Steve clutched his chest, falling to the ground. He reached out an arm and caught himself on the ground before he completely toppled over, his right hand still clutching his chest. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It burned like hell._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Quick, someone ring up the ambulance!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve tore at his clothes, desperate to get them off. It was too hot, too hot, too hot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He saw Peggy’s worried face leaning over him, in shock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve finally tore off his button down and looked down at his chest. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _There was no wound, no injury._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _In small, scrawled handwriting that he immediately recognized as Bucky’s, read:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _till the end of the line.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _No. No. This couldn’t be happening. Steve stared at the print, open mouthed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Bucky._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It had always been Bucky._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And now... Bucky was dead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _It was all his fault._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He had chosen wrong._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Steve felt light headed. He saw worried faces peering at him, but could feel nothing, could hear nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He felt his consciousness slip away. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _He had chosen wrong._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> sorry 
> 
> this sounds like a 4th grader wrote it
> 
> i've never written steve or bucky before, so its kinda trashy


End file.
